working working working

check out my other blog

i am always making new blog...

http://ngitngit.blogpot.com

art is you night

Posted by Hello

different

Lately i have been living like a shadow of my real self. i feel lost in the tide of squareheads.
Instead of doing my portfolio i end up dreaming and becoming paranoid all the time...
Maybe i am just bored or i am not inspired by my surroundings.

Most of the time people think that i am weird.
i am not weird i am just different...hehehe

ok ok i can be weird sometimes
but that spice in my personality

anyways i am happy at least now i found people that will truely appreciate me.

Impulsive actions

Even though i got a good scolding from my father i did still had a fine day yesterday. i did not actually started well. I had a small arguement with my parents with the font of the wedding invitation i have been working on. I did finish the design.

Later in the afternoon my old pals from my grade school days called me up. They were hanging out in Berly's house. Since i had nothing to do i also went to Berly's house. It was nice to see them again. It was somehow a change of perspective. They completely differ compared to my other friends. After hanging out with them i got a call from Duroy. Apparently he has no classes. So after Berly and Clarice left me in a mall i meet up with Duroy. We watched meet the fockers. I was a funny movie. Then i went home. That was basically what happened yesterday.

The reason i was very happy yesterday because i had a text message from my high school crush. Unfortunately he is not my crush now he is not actually my type but the little high school girl in me can't ignore that he replied to my text (well in hs he did not even acknowledge my presence). Then there this thing with Duroy. i kinda complicated so i won't go into details. I got see my old pals, and i got to talk to DW in front of Duroy(he was busy with his cell phone so i called up DW).

My reasons are actually dumb. hehehe

You know i was asked by my father i do certain things...i really do not know why. i just do it because it pops in my head.

Left Alone

I sat here alone in an empty movie house.
The silence is deafening and the cold envelopes my empty heart.
I could hear the slow heart beat of my soul.
I want to get away before the hollow presence of my dark heart consumes me.
But I am trapped.
What I could only do is wait in silence for my companion.
Each second I wonder if ever he would come back for me.
I feel like I am suspended in a nightmare.
Slowly I am choking in my paranoia.
My sanity seems to be crumbling away into noiseless dust.
I took in a long deep breath.
The lights suddenly were turned off.
I am very aware of my surroundings but somehow I am numb to feel any emotion.
My body sat motionless on the soft mauve seats of the movie house.
I try to break the spell.
My hand moved and somehow my body relaxed.
Now I could feel.
I closed my eyes and stood up.
When I opened my eyes again I am already in front of my computer with an empty screen.
I know the movie house was real.
My companion is real.
I am the one who lives in this illusion which I weave with my selfish intentions and destructive ideas.
One day I will wake up from this dream that I always relive everyday.
I must get away from him because there might be a time my heart has turned cold and I might crush him with my corruption.

Trying to be cool

its been a long time since i have engaged in a new relationship. The one before the recent lasted for four years. So now i am in a new territory again.

Actually everything is new. . .

i was accustomed to being attuned to your other half. We had a lot in common and thought alike. Dw never even raised his voice at me. He was very patient and understanding. Even though i am weird most of the time he was never bothered by my inconsistent moods.

Now?

Everytime we talk i drift away. i do not know what he is thinking. i don't know his whereabouts and i know he keeps a lot of secrets from me.

i do not want to care. . . and i try to be cool.

This is going no where...

i guess i should imerse myself into my art and maybe forget about him.

fictitious boy friends are better i think.