Trying to be cool

its been a long time since i have engaged in a new relationship. The one before the recent lasted for four years. So now i am in a new territory again.

Actually everything is new. . .

i was accustomed to being attuned to your other half. We had a lot in common and thought alike. Dw never even raised his voice at me. He was very patient and understanding. Even though i am weird most of the time he was never bothered by my inconsistent moods.

Now?

Everytime we talk i drift away. i do not know what he is thinking. i don't know his whereabouts and i know he keeps a lot of secrets from me.

i do not want to care. . . and i try to be cool.

This is going no where...

i guess i should imerse myself into my art and maybe forget about him.

fictitious boy friends are better i think.

Almost a SSDD

I thought today would be like one of those shitty days since the past week i had a weekful of shitty days. Somehow when i was going home and the skies is dim but a grim smile (full of mean intentions) is plastered on my face.

This week will be my last week of work. I would not need to wake up early in the morning. Well this also means i will be stuck again in the house. This time i would not let my parents cage me inside the house. This time i would wreak havok! i mean i will do what i want to do. I will paint, listen to loud music, sing, dance, and whatever insanities my heart desire.

i thought that i would rant about my bad week but i realize it would be a waste of space. So instead i will try to be positive.

here i go again being vague...

it is just hard to name names...

or maybe i am not ready yet...

who cares...

i am the only one who read this blog...

hehehehe

my sister...the phographer

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snowflakes sa buhok

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pacute

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mutliple personality

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Woke up on the wrong side of bed

i am having a very very bad day today!!!!
yesterday the batteries of my discman ran low and so last night i charged it so that today i could use it. Today i wanted to be sure before i went out i stuffed my battery charger and digi cam in my bag so i have something to do i the office. When i got to the office i wen to the toilet to straighten my dress when the amethyst necklace my ex-bf gave me broke. When i got back to my desk i realized that i did not bring my discman and the batteries!!! i am so stupid. i brought my cd's and battery charger but not the discman and the batteries!

i cannot send text message with my sun sim (i can only call)
i wanted badly to go home (since today i discovered is my first day of my period) so i send a sms message to my boss (who is currently in cagayan de oro) to ask permission. He aked if i could find first the origianl ladn title we have been looking for days now. That did not end there. i was asked to find the janitor to help me find the missing land title. I found him in the canteen eating snacks. i did not want to disturb him so i left the canteen when i returned we laready left and the bad part about it is that i could not find him.

ughhh....

with nothing to do i tried calling someone so i can have someone to talk to. i could not reach joe, matthew's phone is running low with power, i cannot call brian because he has classes, my rochella's phone is lost so i cant call her...well at least i found someone. Ligaya temporarily saved the day well until she had to go becuase she had to take a bath.

i expect that there would still many mishaps that would happen this day. I probably would not see brian, i might have a stain in my dress...i do not want to think any more i mught think of more horrendous things.

i am just saying that i am having a freak'n BAD day.

why why why

i thought my telephone operating days are over...well i still have to be the telephone opeartor this morning.

well at least i get to put something is my blog.

I want to put new images but i got no time yet to take new pictures and tinker with my computer at home. For now its just boring articles about my ordinary life.

Another Day

i am glad that this day is over...yehey! My telephone operating days are over.
Now i am waiting for five pm so that i get to go home and work again on my sister's project. Reading what i have just wrote makes me think that my life is such a bore.

Lately i have many attemps to add spice to my life. Like my screwed up love life. From having a stable relationship i shifted gears and turned everything upside down when i engaged (mind you not necessarily pre-marital sex) into a relationship that is some what taboo in my conservative culture. No, i did not engage in a homosexual relationship (well i am open to it though...if i found the right girl). Let just say that we share the same forefathers (hehehe even grandfather).

i know i am insane and morally wrong but it is sometimes good to be bad...

or maybe i am just an evil incarnate..

well actually i am not that evil though...i am just bored. i know i have been doing impulsive actions but i cannot help it. When you got all the time in the world to think you want to try to do stupid things for a change.

i know i am very vague with what i am trying to tell you.

one day i tell the whole story...

and tomorrow is just another day.

S.S.D.D.

Uninspired

Ever since I learned that i was going to be the telephone operator for two days i dreaded the idea last week. Now here i am facing the telephone and yes i am currently the substitute telephone operator (who does not really know how to operate the damn thing!). Well at least i could use the computer and have fast internet access. I just feel that today i am bound to be scolded, reprimanded and maybe shouted at. Honestly i suck when it comes to my people skills.

The phone is silent at least i get to do less mistakes. (Sharon why did you leave me here...i might make a mess out of your job.)

i am suppose to be out of this job when this month ends...it was definitely a releif. Before i tell you (yes you the readers that i do not have) my recent predicament i am going to tell you about how boring my life is before all this uncertainty started.

Last March 2004 i graduate from college. i thought that now i could finally on the path into follwing my dreams...well then my parents stepped in. I know they are doing everything for the better good of human kind (keeping me of the streets and keeping me from bring greater evil to the world) we went to the United States of America (the land of the Free?) to have vacation and maybe try to see if i could study (widen my horizons) there. We were to stay there for 6 months but unfortunately with no sufficient funds and nothing to do by the fourth month we went home. i know that i am very fortunate to have been able to go there but all i could say is that four months was one of the most boring moments in my life. We stayed most of the time in the house. My relatives were so busy. Well i liked the stay in New York better (well we stayed in Winnetka, California first) becuase even though people were busy you could still go places even there are no one to show you areound (there is the subway Thank God). In California you had to have a car so you can go anywhere. Its not that there is no car its just there is no one to drive us (the tourists) around. Well maybe there are also high points in my visit in the States. Like the time we had free ice cream at baskin robbins (i dont know if the spelling is correct) and the good thing about it is not the free ice cream but the handsome guy who scooped you the free ice cream. The time when we went to museums like the Getty in LA and the Metropolitan in New York. I haven't even toured everything in the Metropolitan. I could live there. The times square is definitely a site to behold. Then there is the time waiting outside the TRL studio. i was kinda dumn but i did get to see Denzel Washinton and the hosts of TRL. Well there are more tiny events that somehow gave my visit a little twist. Even though i was super bored i still love the US especially New York. That is what i want to aim for.

Well we got back from USA i no longer know what to do next. The plans for New york seems so far away (we were going back in 2006, Man thats 2 years away i mean at that time i came back) and i was stuck in Davao. I am not saying Davao is not a good place to stay. That is where i grew up but the one of the reasons why i studied in Manila is that i do not want to be stuck in Davao. That is now my current situation. I am stuck in Davao and stuck with what seems a dead-end job. I am a clerk...well i got this job because i was bored to death being stuck at home. At first it seems a good idea because i'd rather be a clerk rather than become homicidal maniac (you will definitely become one when you are stuck at home). Being a clerk is not bad. The people here are ok even though they are more older than me. It just that i can not do my art. That fuels my will to live. When i was told by my boss that (well somehow it was a promotion) he would add more resposibilites to my current job. At first i was excited but when he mention call center, customer service and talking to people a bell rang in my head. That is the kind of job i am avoiding. A raise in the salary would not even make me take the job i rather be stuck at home. My boss also said that if i would not accept the job he would find another person and i would lose mine now. The possibility of losing my job was like heaven to my ears. At leat i would not make up a lame excuse to resign from my job.

(Okay i know i am very ungrateful but i cannot deny that i cannot live to become ordiany. I had enough being a loser. i want to be cool...even though i am the only one who thinks so. i mean in my current situation even i myself think that i am a loser.)

If i do get out here i plan to apply for a teaching job. i know i said earlier that i am not good with people but i think i could handle younger people. Some how youth never fails you to be inspired. i know it is still a very long way to go at least there is light shinning ahead.

There is always hope for the unispired like me...

Blank page

Everytime i am online i am always excited to post something in my blog but when i am faced with a blank space my mind also goes blank.
Like this moment all i could talk about is how blank i am now...
like also the time i had my confession
my mind was also blank.
I have observed that the most important events of my life my mind goes blank.

maybe i have writer's block.
or maybe i am just good with visual images....

all i could say that today i am blank...

veridian butterfly

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J'ai foi enlui

I feel I'm drowning in a doleful pool,
My heart beats in a bottomless hole.
With out you I'll never be whole,
Like a body with out a soul.
Just to be with you,
I'll do anything for you.
To bring apart the Red Sea
Or the flight of a hawk flying free.
Nothing will not be reach
From the highest peak to the longest beach,
I will always search for someone
One day will come
He'll be my true soulmate
Brought by destiny and faith
I always believe he'll be right there
And there will be nothing to fear.
J'ai foi enlui
I know one day he will come...

rubygee and dwjaac

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J'ai foi enlui

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uzumaki hair

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The Day Walker

I call him DW (short for Day Walker).
Every waking moment I never cease thinking of him and wishing that one day i see him again. When that time comes everything would be in place again.